By Samantha Ellis
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
My name is Samantha, and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. By God’s grace, I have been sober since February 5, 2024. I am in recovery from drug addiction, alcoholism, suicidal ideation, people-pleasing, unhealthy relationships, and the wounds of my past.
When I look back on my life, I can see God’s hand even when I couldn’t feel His presence.
Childhood Trauma and Brokenness
I was born to a single mother. As a child, I experienced something no child should ever have to endure. I was molested and raped by my uncle. I found the courage to tell the adults who were supposed to protect me, but instead of receiving help, it was swept under the rug.
At a very young age, I began believing lies:
My voice doesn’t matter.
I am not worth protecting.
I am unlovable.
I am alone.
Those lies followed me for years.
The Bible tells us in John 8:32: “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
But before I found freedom, I spent many years living according to lies.
When my mom married my dad, we moved to Brentwood, Tennessee. We changed our location, but we didn’t change the pain I carried inside.
I became someone who desperately searched for love and acceptance.
Searching for Love in All the Wrong Places
I spent years trying to fill a God-sized hole with people, relationships, drugs, and alcohol. I thought if someone loved me enough, I would finally feel whole. I thought if I found the right relationship, I would finally be happy. But no person can heal wounds that only God can heal.
I married multiple times searching for something I didn’t even understand. My second marriage almost cost me my life on numerous occasions. He left me for dead and I often was in the ICU at the local hospitals. My husband had alienated me away from everyone that loved me.
Romans 5:8 says: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
I spent years trying to earn love when God’s love had been available all along.
Addiction Takes Control
Drugs and alcohol became my solution. What started as relief became bondage. What started as fun became a necessity. What started as a choice became an addiction.
I lost pieces of myself. I lost trust. I lost opportunities. I damaged relationships. I hurt people I loved. Most painfully, I hurt my children.
I am the mother of four amazing children:
Matthew,
Ethan,
Aden,
and Olivia.
There were many times I wasn’t the mother they deserved because addiction had become the center of my life. The guilt was overwhelming. I loved my children, but addiction doesn’t care how much you love your family.
Addiction steals.
John 10:10 says: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”
That thief stole years from me. Years I’ll never get back.
Hitting Bottom
I went through 13 different rehab programs. Every time I thought this would be the one. Every time I thought I had figured it out. Yet I continued returning to the same pain.
I found myself facing legal consequences because of my addiction. I have over 30 arrests mostly for fighting, DUIs, and should’ve had one for attempted murder but God had his hand on every situation whether I knew it or not. My last charge was a drug charge.
I served my time in jail. Looking back now, I can see that God was using consequences to save my life.
Hebrews 12:11 says: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.”
At the time, I felt defeated. Today, I see God working.
God Begins the Restoration
I completed a 28-day recovery program at The Next Door Recovery. After talking with my caseworker we decided a two year program would be ideal for me.
Then I completed a two-year residential recovery program. I attended meetings. I worked the 12 Steps. I got honest. I stopped blaming everyone else. I started looking at me. Most importantly, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.
For the first time, I understood that recovery wasn’t just about getting sober. Recovery was about healing. Recovery was about freedom. Recovery was about letting God transform me from the inside out.
Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
That transformation didn’t happen overnight. But it happened. One day at a time.
God Restores My Family
One of the greatest miracles God has performed is restoring relationships. When my dad dropped me off in Nashville, he wanted nothing to do with me. I had broken trust. I had created pain. I understood why he felt that way.
But God wasn’t finished. Today my dad is one of my biggest supporters. Only God can take a relationship that broken and bring healing.
Ezekiel 36:26 says: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.”
God changed my heart. And He softened the hearts of people around me. My children and I are rebuilding relationships. Today they see consistency. They see honesty. They see effort. They see recovery.
One of the greatest gifts God has given me is being invited to Aden’s wedding on August 2. Some people may hear that and think it’s a small thing. But for a recovering addict, it’s huge. It means trust. It means restoration. It means another promise fulfilled.
God Restores My Future
I used to think my life was over. I thought addiction was the end of my story. But God had other plans.
I earned my GED. Then I completed Certified Medical Assistant training. Recently, I was hired as a Lab Specialist. Every accomplishment reminds me that God writes better stories than we do.
Jeremiah 29:11 says: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
For years I couldn’t see a future. Today I walk in one.
God Restores My Purpose
Today I have the privilege of leading Celebrate Recovery at my church. Think about that for a moment. The woman who couldn’t stay sober. The woman who went through 13 rehabs. The woman who thought she had destroyed her life. God now allows me to help others find hope.
2 Corinthians 1:4 says: “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
God never wastes pain. He redeems it.
God Restores Love
After four failed marriages, I never imagined I would find healthy love. Then God brought Eli into my life. Not because I finally found the right man. But because God had finally done a work in me. Today our relationship is built on faith, honesty, recovery, and Christ.
On February 7, 2027, I will marry the love of my life.
Psalm 37:4 says: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
God knew what I needed before I did.
Closing
Today, I stand before you not as someone who has it all together, but as someone who knows the One who does.
I am living proof that:
Trauma does not have the final word.
Addiction does not have the final word.
Shame does not have the final word.
Failure does not have the final word.
Jesus has the final word. I am the leader at my church’s Celebrate Recovery, I sponsor other women, I help teach Sunday school, and sing in the church choir. I am very active in the AA community and CR community. Today I am a productive member of society and a very involved parent to all my children. After my wedding next year we plan to buy a house, and none of this would have been possible for me had I not ever made the decision to go to The Next Door.
If God can restore my family, my relationships, my purpose, my career, my faith, and my future, He can restore yours too.
“I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten.” — Joel 2:25
And that is exactly what He is doing in my life.
Thank you for letting me share.
